Saturday, May 13, 2006

Friday night

Ahhh, I love Fridays. I had a long busy week at work and today was a welcome sight!
I got off work at 4:00 and came home and took a nap, got up and had a tamale then went to my AA meeting.
The topic tonight was "Acceptance". Ah, acceptance! The Serenity Prayer is:
God, Grant me the Serenity
to Accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

It got me thinking, I have had a struggle accepting my health conditions and aging. I am not afraid of getting old, but I am afraid of not being able to do the things I enjoy as I get old. I drank my entire life up until I was 38 years old. When I sobered up I saw the world with new eyes, and was all excited about the things I saw!
First of all I left my husband. We were not the happy couple I wanted to be so I got selfish and left. I joined the fire department, became an EMT and worked on the ambulance and bartended. I applied for a bus driver job and got it, then I quit bartending (pretty stupid to bartend and go to AA meetings).
I bought a camper and discovered the enjoyment of camping. I loved gardening, and fishing.
Well my health started going downhill and I had to quit doing alot of the things I loved. Gardening was one of them. I have alot of allergies, and everytime I went outside I got sick, so now I have a landscaped gravel/lava rock yard. MUCH BETTER!
I can now enjoy sitting in my back yard. ( I accepted my allergies, and changed that). I don't camp as much because I hurt alot. Big time hurt. I am not accepting that as I should, but I am learning what I can do and not do to avoid the pain. Now I am accepting the fact that I have Diabetes, and am trying hard to eat right and NOT go back on insulin! I was on insulin for about 4 years and gained an enormous amount of weight. I quit insulin a year ago March and am keeping it under control. So I am accepting the fact that I have to eat different to live.
Actually I find it a challenge but it is ok. I am making lemonade with the lemons being tossed at me!
Generally I am a happy person. I love to laugh, therefore I laugh at about everything. I even liked that stupid song "Don't Worry...Be Happy"!
I am not stomping my feet and crying about not being able to do this or not eat that, I am changing the things I do and finding different ways to cook!

I am accepting God's plan! I find it easier to live my life when I hand my life over to God every night and tell him 'His will be done'. When I lived my life under MY will, I screwed it up royally, so now it is His will. Whew! Thank you God, I can just pray that my friends and family can find half the happiness I feel inside!!
Have a great weekend!!

"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took
her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,
'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone