I would come home from work to an empty house and automatically check all the closets and rooms for anything lurking. Sometimes I would retrace my steps, and look under the bed and in the shower. When I would go to bed at night I would be shaking in fear at times worried about not waking up. I was absolutely terrified of death!! Little did I know that the 12 steps of AA would help me get over my fears. I was about 5 years sober when I decided to get really serious about my steps. I already worked the 12 steps but I decided to re-work step three. I had put in for a management position at work and was worrying about it. I didn’t know if I was ready for it or not, and worried about what would happen to me if I got it and it didn’t work out. I was worried about too many things!! I decided to turn it over to God!
“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him”.
I wrote down everything pertaining to the step. If anyone wants to know what the workbook has, email me and I can send you the steps in written form.
I said the Third Step Prayer:
"God, I offer myself to Thee --
to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self,
that I may better do Thy will.
Take away my difficulties,
that victory over them
may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power,
Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life.
May I do Thy will always!"
I was finished working the third step and went on with my life. It wasn’t until a few days later that I realized that when I came home from work and went to bed I actually fell asleep without fear. I woke up the next morning and realized I wasn’t afraid any more. I felt warm inside. I didn’t feel lonely! I actually felt loved and protected. I felt Jesus in my life. I have never been religious, but I have always believed in Jesus and God. But during my drinking and carousing I had Him up on a shelf and out of my mind. I was too busy being involved in fun stuff to bother thinking about God, and besides, He wouldn’t approve of my lifestyle!
I truly believe that things do not happen by accident.
I did not get that position at work, but 6 months later I was given the job!! HUH? The person that was hired did not work out. I did not want to put in for the job again as I thought I had it great right where I was. But it worked out!! His will be done.
I got a call from an AA friend telling me he got a call from the Hospital and there was a gal in there that has been admitted with alcoholism. She was about my age and needed help, and he wondered if I would go see her. I have never been called for anything like that, but I thought what the heck, everyone in town by now knows me and what I have done with my life. I grabbed my AA book and headed to the hospital. I walked in and there were two gals in there. I asked for the gal by name and she said “Phyllis?” I looked at her and then realized it was a friend of mine from 1981 that I drank with!! She would come in my bar and was one of my favorite customers!! We went to parties together. She moved to Denver and got married in 1982 and that was the last I heard from her until that night at the hospital!! I have been her sponsor ever since that night. God works in mysterious ways!
Tomorrow…the rest of 1992 & 1993