Wednesday, August 22, 2007

What is God?....Who is God?

I went to a friend's house tonight for an AA meeting. We are holding them at his house on Wed nights for a few months. He has cancer and the doctors quit the treatments he was getting and told him they will give him pain medication to make it more comfortable for him. He told me tonight he thinks he might last until Christmas......maybe.
He started out the meeting asking us to relate our feelings about "God".
I know there are a few people that have a hard time trying to grasp the "God" idea because of troubles in their childhood or just no teachings in their childhood.
I related that I had a wild youth and young adult years and had God up on a shelf until I was two years sober and started working the 12 steps.
Step three:
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God As we understood Him.

That was the hardest step for me. The idea of letting go of my own control was hard for me to grasp. I guess I am a controller and have been told all my life that I am responsible for my own life. I have to live with my choices and pay the consequences.
I remember I used to be afraid of just about everything. If I was in a thunderstorm I would cower until it was over.....I would come home from work to an empty house and search each closet and under the bed before I could relax....I was afraid to go to sleep at night, afraid I wouldn't wake up....I felt lonely and hollow inside.
I finally "surrendered" myself to God in my prayers and told Him He can have me.
It is His will, not mine be done!
I quit worrying about getting a higher position at work, and guess what, I got it! I can actually live one day at a time now and not worry (too much) about the future.
My friend tonight told us he is curious about what it will be like, then he smiled and told us he will find out before us, and we need to find out for ourselves, because he isn't coming back to tell us!!
Ellen has only a few days before she meets Jesus,
another friend of mine Diana has maybe a few weeks.
Another friend of mine is fighting a long battle with cancer too, and we keep him in our prayers.
We all will die someday, that is the only guarantee in life.

Here is a prayer for Step Three I found in my workbook
"The Twelve Steps, A Spiritual Journey":
I am learning that there is an awful lot I can't do.
I can't control life the way I used to.
I can't make people be what I want.
I can't stop the pain inside me.
I can't even fully submit to your plan yet-I'm still too frightened of you.
But I know that there is one thing I can do right now.
I can make a decision to turn my will and my life over to you.
Making the decision doesn't mean I have to make it happen.
Making the decision doesn't mean I understand you or your plan.
Making the decision doesn't even mean I'm entirely willing, but it does mean that I know your way and will is right.
Lord, turn my simple decision into reality.


After working the Step, I say a prayer every night giving myself to God:

Lord Jesus,
I turn my will and my life over to you.
Mold me and do with me as you will.
I trust you to guide my steps, and
I enter the world with hope that I may better do Your will.
I ask for your forgiveness and acceptance.
I welcome your Holy Spirit's power, love, and guidance
In everything I do.


I pray that everyone can find the peace and warmness I feel since I have found God. I am no longer cowering in fear,
I no longer fear death,
I no longer feel lonely,
I no longer cry myself to sleep at night,
I feel loved unconditionally,
I feel forgiven!
For all of that,
I feel very very thankful.