Friday, March 25, 2005

Step Three

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Friday nights are my favorite nights! I go to my AA meetings,and get all energized!
The topic tonight was "Loneliness", and everyone shares what they feel.
I shared that I was married for 13 years and sobered up in June and left my husband in July. I was sitting on my balcony crying my eyes out and realized I wasn't crying because I left my husband, I was crying because I no longer had drinks to come home to! DANG! Now what am I gonna do?
I was very busy in those days working as a bartender, just hired on at Island Transit, and working part time on the ambulance, I was also involved three nights a week in the volunteer Fire Department and going to AA meetings. But I was hollow inside and scared to death! I would come home and feel so lonely and scared. I would go to bed at night and go to sleep in fear of death.
When I finally got a sponsor and started working the 12 steps I got stuck on the third step! Turning my will over to God?! I was in control of my life, what are they talking about? How can I do that? I needed to work hard and get benefits to take care of me when I get old.
One night I finally got on my knees and prayed to a God that I didn't know very well. He was up on a dusty shelf. I have heard about Him but didn't let Him inside me.
I can't remember when it "hit" me, but I remember one day waking up and realized that I fell asleep in comfort the night before. I wasn't shaking in fear. I am not alone. I feel loved. When I feel like talking to someone, I pick up the phone and call some gals on my AA list and chat.
I started going to Church pretty regular about three years ago and I have witnessed some miracles. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would be one. I have actually had two miracles happen to me. One was almost 18 years ago when I took my last drink, and the second was three weeeks ago when my Bible study group "annointed me and prayed over me for my health because I have been sick for two months and feeling lousy, not breathing well, gaining weight and just plain yucky!
Well I have been off insulin for a week now. I can walk without huffing and puffing! My allergies haven't hit me yet, my back is feeling better, and I am generally going to work in a GREAT mood!
Praise the Lord!
I have a problem when people ask me what I have done different, and I tell them "Nothing, then tell them about the prayer". I get some weird responses. "the power of positive thinking is true"..."If you pray to that tree you can get the same response". But I know inside it was the healing power of the Holy Spirit and I pray it stays with me. I am not stupid, I won't go out and eat candy and be foolish. I know I have Diabetes, but since I have been off insulin I feel great! I believe it was the insulin that made me gain 100 pounds and made me huff and puff!
I have a long hard journey ahead of me, but sure got a great "kick start"!
Whew, I'm through blabbing!

If you don't talk to your cat about catnip.....who will?

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