Saturday, June 23, 2007

Returning to old behaviours

Last night at our AA meeting we discussed "old behaviours".
To an alcoholic that can mean many things, but the bottom line is, we better watch out, or it could lead us to drink.
I have noticed in the twenty years I have been going to AA meetings and hanging around sober drunks, that most of us have a tendency to have a crisis in our lives. We call the ones that have alot of crisis one right after the other, "Drama Queen's". We suggest to get off your "pity pot" and do something about it and get on with your lives. Don't get me wrong, we all have crisis at times, and we in AA rally around the ones having a crisis and help them through it. It helps to keep them (and us) sober. But some just seem to keep doing the wrong things or saying the wrong things (that will be me):-).
I realized last night that when I was drinking, I would wake up the next day with dreaded guilt. I either said the wrong thing to someone, made an ass out of myself (quite often), flirted with someone in front of my husband (yep). scratched my car, drove to the wrong house thinking someone else was parked at my house, lost my keys (from the car to the door) and slept on the front porch. etc, etc, etc. Now you can see why I'd wake up with that guilty feeling.
In sobriety I wake up every morning instead of "coming to". I don't have that horrid guilt feeling. So when someone gets mad at me for something I said (quite often), I get the guilty feeling coming back. I think the worst and fret on it all day. I hate that feeling. It causes undue stress and is crazy.
Why can't I just leave it be, make amends and forget about it? I'm working on that.
The twelve step program is great!
Step three is "giving it to God". The big "G" word is hard for some people to take so they just ignore it and keep their old habits.
AA also helped me to learn to forgive and move on. What a gift to be able to truly forgive a person. A big weight is lifted when you do forgive. It is a great feeling of accomplishment to me to be able to forgive someone.
AA brought me to God, and now I have a great little Church I go to and I use my AA gifts to help people in my Church and lead them to AA.
I think God had his hand in this. he is using me to reach out to some people and help them. You know what? I LOVE it!
Have a great week. Yikes, July 4th is right around the corner!!

Stay safe on the roads this Holiday!
And buckle up!! Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs