I got this idea from Dale's Blog. He mentioned a friend that had a fear of flying. He described the horrid fear this guy had while in a plane waiting for takeoff. The friend finally couldn't stand the wait and forced himself off the plane in sheer panic!! I can surely relate to that!!
I was at one time afraid of everything!! I was in Connecticut in 1977 and was not working at the time. My husband would take the car to work and I would be stuck in the house with no car and no job. I remember one time I "borrowed" his car to go to the store, and I got about a block away and my hands started getting sweaty, my heart was beating out of my chest and I was getting a panick attack!! I had to rush home!! I was petrified to leave the house!! I finally got a job in a local department store and my fear of leaving the house finally left me. But I still had this panicky feeling when thunderstorms hit, when on the highway, when trying to fall asleep at night I was afraid of dying. We moved back home in April of 1979 and I got a bartending job two miles away from where I lived. My drinking became a regular habit. I didn't drink every day, but I sure did like the drinks and the effects. A few years later I got a job 15 miles away. I can remember driving my car down the highway and pulling towards the fogline every time a car came my way. My hands would get sweaty and my heart would pound away!! I was neurotic!! I was afraid of everything!! heights, driving, thunder storms, sky lab falling on me, etc. etc. When I quit drinking and left my husband I would come home from work to my empty house and check all the closets and under the bed for what, Monsters??? murderers??? I was just afraid!! I can remember trying to fall asleep at night and feel ice water pumping through my veins with the fear of dying. Fear of failing, fear of being alone, fear of fear!! I had joined the Volunteer Fire Dept and next thing I know I am driving this huge 30' fire engine!! Wasn't it just 2 years ago that I was afraid of driving my car? Then next thing I know I am an EMT and driving ambulances to Seattle on the freeway going 85 mph with lights and sirens!! HUH??!!
Confidence building!! It is what you need to conquer some fears. But the main fear was still there at night. About two years into my sobriety I was working on my step three: (Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him).
Well that got me thinking...God? I always believed in Him but never had Him in my heart. I started praying again and praying for His will not mine be done!! Whew what a concept!! I quit trying to run my life like I thought I wanted it, and let Him take over. I accept what He gives me and live with it!! I also realized one day as I woke up that I slept really good and I didn't have that fear I usually had when falling asleep!! I came to BELIEVE again!! I am not lonely any more, and I am content with my life. I am not afraid of dying either. I truly feel God will be there when the time comes and take my hand, forgive me my sins and lead me to Heaven!!
AMEN!!
Now I have not gotten rid of ALL my fears. I still refuse to get on a plane!! I don't want to be screaming as the plane dives towards earth!! Nope!! no way!!
