INDIFFERENCE

INDIFFERENCE: NOT CARING ABOUT RIGHT OR WRONG -- NOT CARING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE AND THEIR WELFARE -- NOT CARING ABOUT GOD AND HIS WILL

1. Am I indifferent to the needs of my family? Of friends? Of strangers?

2. Am I indifferent to the desires of my family? Of friends? Of strangers?

3. Am I indifferent to the feelings of other people?

4. Do I try to understand and sympathize with others?

5. Do I try to understand the needs of others?

6. Do I try to do something about the needs of others?

7. Am I indifferent to others so I won't risk being hurt?

8. Am I concerned with the troubles of my city and my country and the world?

9. Do I shrug off these troubles assuming that someone else will do some¬thing about them?

10. Do I start and end each day by thanking God? Or do I take things for granted?

11. Do I expect God to provide for me every day? Why should He?

12. Do I think "I've done my share" in serving God and A.A.?

13. Am I indifferent to God so I won't have to commit myself to His will?

14. Do I go against God's will rather than offend some human?

15. How often do I show gratitude for the love and forgiveness of God?

16. Do I share with others how great God's love has been for me?

17. Do I deserve God's love? Why?

18. Do I pout and "throw a fit" if God doesn't do what I want?

19. What am I going to do with my indifference?

20. How will I have love and concern to overcome the temptation to be indifferent and uncaring?

I have been so much of a people pleaser all my life, so this was actually easy for me!

Lust

LUST: ADULTERY -- SINFUL SEXUAL APPETITE -- DIRTY SEXUAL THOUGHTS AND WORDS

1. Do I daily remember that my body is the home of God?

2. Have I dirtied God's home with lust?

3. Do I think about sex too much?

4. Do I talk about sex too much?

5. Do I use dirty pictures?

6. Do I tell and hear dirty stories?

7. Do I think my lust must be satisfied?

8. Am I homosexual? Do I really desire to have this changed?

(QUESTIONS 9 THROUGH 13 ARE FOR MARRIED PEOPLE)

9. Have I been faithful to my spouse?

10. If unfaithful, with whom? How often?

11. Do I always relate my sexual desires to my spouse, or do I relate those desires to some other man or woman?

12. Do I have secret lust for someone other than my spouse?

13. Is my sex life with my spouse a genuine expression of love or is it to satisfy my lust?

14. Have I engaged in sexual intercourse that has harmed others? With whom? How often?

15. Do I excuse my lust by calling it love?

16. Do I admire or envy acquaintances who do indulge in intercourse?

17. Do I excuse or treat lightly the sin of lust?

18. What am I going to do with my lusts?

19. How can I gain strength so I won't lust?

GREED

GREED:TO COVET OR DESIRE WHAT BELONGS TO OTHERS -- TO HAVE AN UNHEALTHY APPETITE FOR WEALTH OR MATERIAL POSSESSIONS -- TO HAVE A CONSTANT HUNGER FOR RICHES.

1. Are you really content with the things you have?

2. Are you constantly "running after" more and better things?

3. If you never have any more things or money than you have now (assuming the cost of living would remain the same), would you be content to live your life this way?

4. Does the "good life" mean having more things, more money?

5. Do you envy your neighbor if he gets a new car, new TV, etc.?

6. Do you give thanks to God for only the good things that you have?

7. What is your greatest material possession? Would you give that up if it meant helping a total stranger? Why?

8. Are you honestly concerned with doing something to help those who are less fortunate than you?

9. Do I give gladly or grudgingly to the work of God and A.A.?

10. Do I give gladly or grudgingly to other benevolent work that is done in our community?

11. Do I really think that God owes me luxuries, just because others may have them?

12. What am I going to do with my greed?

13. How will I maintain contentment and overcome the temptation of greed?

CONCEIT

CONCEIT: TO THINK TOO HIGHLY OF YOUR OWN ABILITIES -- TO OVER-RATE YOURSELF.

1. Do I insist on things being done my way?

2. Do I think that I am an "expert"? In what areas?

3. Do I think I can manage most things better than those in charge?

4. Am I constantly critical of the boss? The police? Other authorities?

5. Am I impatient with people who do not meet my standards?

6. Do I meet my own standards?

7. Do I consider myself better than anyone else? Whom?

8. Have I the ability to discipline myself?

9. Do I realize I am giving God orders when I damn someone or something?

10. Do I treat God as a "nobody" because I use His name loosely, without thinking or caring?

11. Do I give God orders in my prayers?

12. Do I think God's will must match my will?

13. Do I think I can benefit from God's blessing even though I'm too lazy or conceited to maintain conscious contact with Him?
14. Do I accept behavior in myself that I would not tolerate in others?

15. Do I think too highly of my judgment or am I willing to listen to the opinions of others?

16. Do I trust God completely or do I count on Him only when I'm in trou¬ble?

17. Is my life unmanageable without the power of God?

18. How conceited am I?

19. Do I criticize myself and others continually?

20. Do I lack faith in God because I fail to see the purpose and newness of life God offers me?

21. What am I going to do with my conceit?


22. How will I have the strength to overcome the temptation of conceit?

RESENTMENT, ANGER, PREJUDICE, MURDER

RESENTMENT, ANGER, PREJUDICE, MURDER

RESENTMENT: To hold bad feelings against anyone – To remember how others have hurt us – To desire retribution on those who hurt us – To judge others harshly – To want revenge.
ANGER OR HATRED: To desire harm for others – The opposite of wanting good things or a good life for others – Bitterness.
PREJUDICE: To automatically pre-judge others as being inferior – To feel superior to others who are “different”.

1. With whom am I angry?

2. Do I blame others for trouble I made for myself? Whom? Why?

3. Whom do I wish to hurt because I feel they have hurt me?

4. Am I in spiritual shape to pray: "Forgive me...as I forgive those who trespass against me"?

5. Do I say that I forgive but still hold resentments? Against whom?


6. Do I honestly try to forgive others for their past offenses?

7. Am I honestly happy when the offender changes for the good?

8. Do I resent people who "have me pegged" and try to help me?

9. Do I resent others who receive promotions, raises or praises?

10. Do I have contempt for anyone? Whom?

11. Am I prejudiced against people of other races and colors and classes?

12. How would I react if I were the object of my own prejudices?

13. Do I condemn someone for their wrongs without having a sincere desire that they change for the better? Whom?

14. Do I try to understand why other people are unkind or kind to me?

15. Do I try to understand why other people do things that are right or wrong?

16. Do I see that anger, resentment and prejudice are really a spiritual and mental form of murder?

17. Do I ask God for mercy while I deny it to someone else?

18. Do I believe that God will have mercy on me even though I don't think I deserve it?

19. Do I set conditions that others must fulfill before I will love them?

20. Do I demand results from others before I am willing to forgive them?

21. Does God set conditions for me (like being perfect) before He would forgive and love me?

22. What am I going to do with my angers, resentments, prejudices and murders?

23. How will I have strength and love so I won't be angry, judge, condemn or resent others?

STEP FOUR -- A SEARCHING AND FEARLESS MORAL INVENTORY (Cont.)

STEP FOUR -- A SEARCHING AND FEARLESS MORAL INVENTORY (Cont.)

1. What is a character defect?

2. Are you aware that character defects are acquired? How?

3. Why do you need to make a searching and fearless moral inventory?

4. How did Steps One, Two and Three prepare you for Step Four?

5. Make a list of the acquired character defects that you are aware of at this point.

6. In each section that follows, you must be completely honest or you're wasting your time. This is your searching and fearless moral inventory. Under each question, attempt to start with specific things you have done and said. List as many things under each question as will help you to convince yourself that you have acquired this defect. The answers to these questions are to be brief.

For example:

The response to question # 1 under RESENTMENT, ANGER, PREJUDICE AND MURDER might be:

With whom am I angry?

a) my wife -- she doesn't do the things I want her to do.

b) my boss -- he is not paying me enough.

c) Joe -- a friend to whom I loaned money and didn't pay me back. Remember, you are after the acquired defects. The more THOR¬OUGH you are in digging out these defects, the more program will be built on bedrock instead of sand. Go after your enemy -- the false self.

(Note: Go through the following pages and then return to #7.)

7. Now make a list of any additional acquired defects of character that did not appear in question # 6. Using this list, detail how, when and in just what instances these defects controlled your life.


8. Compile a list of all the people, institutions or principles that you have a resentment against.

9. How do you feel, right now, about the uncovering and discovering of these acquired defects?

10. Do you feel that you have done a thorough and honest search for these defects?

11. Now write a summary of how you picture yourself. Include both your positive points (assets) and the negative points (liabilities).



SELF-CENTEREDNESS
SELF-CENTEREDNESS: PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST -- THINKING THAT EVERYTHING HAS TO SUIT YOU –
FEELING THAT YOU'RE THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE IN THE WORLD.

1. Do I act as if the world revolved around my welfare and desires? How?

2. As a parent, do I use my family to suit my needs and desires? How?

3. What are some ways that I put myself before my spouse and children? Before friends?

4. Do I spend money for myself and put off buying things the family needs or desires?

5. Do I insist on doing things I like to do, or am I willing to do things others enjoy?

6. Do I buy things for others in order to win their affection?

7. Do I do things with my family or others to keep myself in the lime¬light?

8. If someone doesn't make a fuss over me, are my feelings easily hurt?

9. If others don't give me special attention in a group, do I feel snubbed?

10. How have I used my friends for my advantage or my satisfaction?

11. Do I honestly believe God is the center of all life, all people and all things?

12. Or do I think and act as if I were the center of life, the center of all people and things?

13. Do I expect God to cater to my desires?

14. Do I play God?


15. Do I try to excuse my failures by saying: "I can't help it"?

16. Do I expect God to lower His perfect standards because I don't meet those standards?

17. Do I truly admit I need God's power to carry me through this day?

18. Am I still willing to let God run my life?

19. Who or what is most important to me?

20. Do I realize that God must be most important to me?

21. Am I self-centered? Or do I honestly want God to be first in my life?

22. Am I self-centered? Or do I put others before myself?

23. What am I going to do with my self-centeredness?

24. How will I find strength and support so I won't be self-centered?

Summer Solstice

Today is Summer Solstice marking the longest day of the year (for daylight). 23 years ago today I had the worlds worst hangover and it happened to be my last.

It has been a long road, sometimes hard sometimes easy, but during that time I never let alcohol be an option. There were times last year that tested my strength when my brother was dying of cancer. I hurt all over with my arthritis, fibromyalgia and all over PAIN. Stress brings that on. Not to mention the pain inside me that just wanted to be numb. I went to some meetings and told them I wanted to be numb. I don't want to feel pain anymore!! The doctor did give me some vicadin to ease the pain some. I have addictive behavior so that scared me. I only took it on Friday nights after the long week at work. I stayed away from meetings because I just wanted to isolate and relax in my house away from everything! I do not advise that to anyone. It was too easy to stay away from meetings. I still take the vicadin but not like an addict would. I need to relieve the pain sometimes. It wears a body down living with pain. Some people would say I should change my AA date if I take pain pills. Bullshit on that folks, I did not take a drink. The doctor says take 1-2 every 4 hours. I take 1-2 on Friday nights period. Try living with all this pain. no, don't.

Anyway, I went to the "AA Birthday Chip night" on Friday and picked up my 23 year chip. There were about 40 people there and alot of people reflected on how I helped them in their sobriety. It was very humbling. I now realize I need to go to those meetings to help others, not just for me!

I have the philosophy "If it ain't fun, I'm outa here"! That means AA meetings too! Life can be fun without drugs or alcohol. In fact if you laugh alot it loosens up the endorphins in you that releases morphine from your body which makes you feel giddy. Exercise does that too!!

so laugh, people! Laugh!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

STEP FOUR -- BRIEF GUIDE

Now that we did step three and gave our will & our life over to the care of God, we get into the real "Working" of the steps. We dig down deep into our pasts and find the good and the bad and write it down! Lock it up so only your eyes can see.
This is a very cleansing process here. Be totally honest with yourself. this is for you and you alone!!
~Phyllis~

STEP FOUR -- BRIEF GUIDE

"MADE A SEARCHING AND FEARLESS MORAL INVENTORY OF OURSELVES."
(From the Big Book)

1. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions. Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory.

2. We searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations.

3. RESENTMENT is the "number one" offender.

4. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.

5. In dealing with RESENTMENTS, we set them on paper:
a) We listed people, institutions or principles with whom we were angry.
b) We asked ourselves why we were angry.
c) On our grudge list we set opposite each name our injuries.

6. We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty.

7. It is plain that a life which includes deep RESENTMENT leads only to futility and unhappiness.

8. This business of RESENTMENT is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit.

9. If We were to live, we had to be free of ANGER.

10. We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.

11. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.

12. We resolutely looked for our own mistakes.

13. The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and became willing to set these matters straight.


14. We reviewed our FEARS thoroughly.

15. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves.

16. We never apologize for God. Instead, we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us do.

17. We reviewed our own conduct over the years past.

18. We subjected each relation to this test -- was it selfish or not?

19. If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we
believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink.
20. If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others.

21. If we have been THOROUGH and HONEST about our personal inventory, we have written a lot. We have listed and analyzed our resentments. We have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality. We have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness. We have begun to learn tolerance, patience, and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people. We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct, and are willing to straighten out the past if we can.

(From the 12 by 12)


1. Our desires for sex, material and emotional security, and for an important place in society often tyrannize us. When thus out of joint, man's natural desires cause him great trouble, practically all the trouble there is.

2. Nearly every serious emotional problem can be seen as a case of misdirected instinct.

3. The object of the Fourth Step:

a) Step Four is our vigorous and painstaking effort to discover what these liabilities in each of us has been, and are.

b) We want to find exactly how, when, and where our natural desires have warped us.

c) We wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and ourselves.

d) By discovering what our emotional deformities are, we can move toward their correction.

4. Without a willing and persistent effort, there can be little sobriety or contentment for us.


5. Without a searching and fearless moral inventory, most of us have found that the faith which really works in daily living is still out of reach.

6. The minute we make a serious attempt to probe misdirected instincts, we are liable to suffer severe reactions.

7. Our present anxieties and trouble, we cry, are caused by the behavior of other people -- people who really need a moral inventory.

8. As soon as he begins to be more objective, the newcomer can fearlessly, rather than fearfully, look at his own defective thinking.

9. It never occurred to us that we needed to change ourselves to meet conditions, whatever they were.

10. First of all, we had to admit that we had many of these defects, even though such discoveries were painful and humiliating.

11. When taking an inventory, each of us will need to determine what his individual character defects are.

12. To avoid falling into confusion over the names these defects should be called, let's take a universally recognized list of major human failings -- the Seven Deadly Sins of PRIDE, GREED, LUST, ANGER, GLUTTONY, ENVY and SLOTH.

13. PRIDE, leading to self-justification, and always spurred by conscious or unconscious FEARS, is the basic breeder of most human difficulties, the chief block to true progress.

14. When the satisfaction of our instincts for sex, security, and social standing becomes the sole object of our lives, then PRIDE steps in to justify our excesses.

15. FEAR, a soul-sickness in its own right, generates more character defects.

16. Since Step Four is but the beginning of a lifetime practice, it can be suggested that:

a) We look at those personal flaws which are acutely troublesome and fairly obvious.

b) We might make a rough survey of our conduct with respect to our primary instincts for sex, security, and society.
c) We ought to consider carefully all personal relationships which bring continuous or recurring trouble.

17. The most common symptoms of emotional insecurity are worry, anger, self- pity, and depression.

18. The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being.


19. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much.

20. This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us.

21. THOROUGHNESS and HONESTY ought to be the watchword when taking inventory. In this connection, it is wise to write out our questions and answers. it will be an aid to clear thinking and honest appraisal. It will be the first tangible evidence of our complete willingness to move forward.


"MADE A SEARCHING AND FEARLESS MORAL INVENTORY OF OURSELVES."

In the previous three steps, we have built, for ourselves, a beginning foundation in this program of recovery. In Step One, we admitted we were powerless over alcohol and recognized that our lives have been, are now, and will remain unmanageable by us alone. Step Two made us aware that we could be restored to sanity by a Higher Power (God as we understood Him) if we rightly relate ourselves to that Higher Power. The Third Step convinced us that we have no choice but to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.

At this point, we should be convinced that our handling of our past has led to frustration, broken relationships, anger toward ourselves and other people, and resentments. Since alcohol is but a symptom, we now have to get down to the causes and conditions of why self-centeredness, in all its various destructive forms, has been the root of our troubles. Thus, we are face to face with the Fourth Step.

The Fourth Step allows us to uncover and discover the acquired charac¬ter defects which are part of the false self. These defects are NOT a part of the real you (the True Inner Self). The false self (the phony you) has picked them up from other people, institutions and society in general. Usually we are not aware of when and from whom these defects were acquired. It is important that you become aware of the fact -- that these defects of character are acquired. Only when you detach yourself from these acquired defects can you start to uncover and discover, in a fear-less manner, these acquired character defects that have controlled you in the past.

These acquired character defects are misdirected instincts. These instincts often far exceed their proper functions. Our excessive desires for sex, material and emotional security, and for an important place in society, desires which by their very nature can never be fulfilled, cause us practically all the trouble there is.

Nearly every serious emotional problem can be seen as a case of misdi¬rected instincts. Whenever we become a battleground for the instincts, there can be no peace. Every time we impose our instincts unreasonably upon others, unhappiness follows. These defects lock us into responding in a certain way, usually destructive, to those around us. So in order for us to live happy lives, we must uncover and discover these acquired defects of character.


At this point, we should have arrived at the following conclusions: the acquired character defects have been the primary cause of our drinking and our failure at life; we must now be willing to work hard at the elimi¬nation of the worst of these defects or both sobriety and peace of mind will elude us; and that all the faulty foundation of our life will have to be torn out and built anew on bedrock.

Since the Fourth Step is but the beginning of a lifetime practice, we should first have a look at those personal flaws which are acutely trouble¬some and fairly obvious. Using our judgment, we make a rough survey of our conduct with respect to our primary instincts for sex, security, and socie¬ty. With sex, we uncover how the selfish pursuit of sex damaged other people and ourselves. In the area of security, we question the financial and emotional insecurities that have led to financial instability, and the personal relationships which bring continuous or recurring trouble. In terms of society, we insisted upon either dominating the people we knew or we depended upon them far too much.

Thoroughness ought to be the watchword when taking our inventory. The object is to search out the flaws in the false self which caused our fail¬ure. Being convinced that the false self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we will find some of the following acquired character defects in our inventory: SELF-CENTEREDNESS, RESENTMENT, ANGER, PREJUDICE, CONCEIT, GREED, LUST, INDIFFERENCE, PHONINESS, FEAR, PRIDE, FINANCIAL INSECURITY, DEPENDENCE, DOMINATION, EMOTIONAL INSECURITY, DISHONESTY, PROCRASTINATION, PERFECTIONISM, IMPATIENCE and others that might apply.

These acquired character defects (misdirected instincts) will balk at our uncovering and discovering them. The minute we make a serious attempt to probe them, we are liable to suffer severe reactions. The thinking mind may come up with some of the following false thoughts: any serious defects have been caused chiefly by our drinking; our problems have been caused by the behavior of other people; the defects are us; justifying the need for defects in order to continue living; and a half-hearted inventory is O.K. In order for us to combat these false thoughts, we must know that the character defects are indeed acquired and are NOT a part of the True Self.

In summary, the Fourth Step asks us to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. We are seeking to uncover the hidden acquired defects of character that are a part of the false self. After we have found them, then we discover our faults by listing them. We place them before us in black and white. We must have courage to honestly do this. Faith can do for us what we can not do for ourselves.

The purpose of writing the Fourth Step is to make us aware of the acquired character defects. As we list and analyze these defects, we will begin to comprehend their futility and their fatality. The written invento¬ry will be used as a basis in Steps Five through Nine.

Go through the following examples and be as honest and specific as you are able to at this time. This is your inventory. You are about to uncover and discover the acquired character defects, so do it in a thorough and fear-less manner. Your very life may depend on the thoroughness of this step.

RECOMMENDED READING:


1) Alcoholics Anonymous, (big book), chapter 5, p. 64, par. 1 to the end
of chapter 5.
2) Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions, Step Four.




HAVE FUN!!!

My Reflections on Step Three

As I had a wild and crazy past, giving myself to a "Higher Power" was a difficult decision. I had my doubts on what exactly that meant. I realize that I was held accountable for everything I did and was responsible for everything I am going to do. So giving my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him was very very difficult.
I came through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous an agnostic. I didn't think there could be a God if there were horrible things happening in the world, and of the horrible things in my past. I asked for help from a clergyman (Priest) when I had my stillborn son in 1970 and was turned away. I realize now that I was mad at the person and what he represented, and not at God.
When I finally grasped the concept of giving my will to God, things got alot easier for me. I really "came to believe". My fears left me. I woke up one morning realizing that I did not cry myself to sleep the night before. I used to go to bed in fear of dying. I was paralized with the fear of dying. I had a black hole in my chest that I walked around with.
Total paralizing fear of everything.
I now pray about it and give it to God. If I get it, then it was meant to be. If I didn't get it, so what? Don't worry myself over something I cannot change. Live with the results and accept the things I cannot change!
Many times God has put a curve in the road in front of me making me walk through that path and guess what? His will was much better than what my will wanted. Imagine that!
Life is so much easier giving my worries to God. He is my friend now. I talk with Him by my side all the time. I am never, ever alone. I thank Him daily for what He has given me and for what He hasn't given me.
I love my life now. I hardly ever cry any more unless it is for the pain for someone I love. I pray everyone can find the peace I feel within me.
Next week we will start step 4!! Mwahahahaha

The rest of Step Three

"MADE A DECISION TO TURN OUR WILL AND OUR LIVES OVER TO THE CARE OF GOD
AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM."

In the preceding steps, we were engaged in reflection. In Step One, we saw that we were, are now, and will remain powerless over alcohol. Also in Step One we came to recognize that our lives have been, are now, and will remain unmanageable by us alone. Step Two made us aware that we could be restored to sanity by a Power greater than ourselves if we rightly relate ourselves to this Power. These conclusions did not require action; they required only acceptance. At this point, we should have accepted the unman¬ageability and insanity of our lives.

The first requirement in doing Step Three is that we become convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. Obviously, the first two steps show, in no uncertain terms, the confusion caused by using self-will (self-will is part of the acquired false self). Self-will in¬cludes selfishness --self-centeredness. This self-centeredness is the root of our troubles. So our troubles are basically of our own making. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us. We found that we could not reduce the self-centeredness much by wishing or relying on our own power. Thus, we had to quit playing God. It did not work.

Step Three calls for affirmative action, for it is only by action that we can cut away the self-will which has always blocked the entry of God into our lives. The key that will allow God to enter our lives once again is willingness. The thinking mind and its self-will may block the entry of God into our lives again, as it frequently does. However, the key of will¬ingness will open the door.


The thinking mind, using instinct and logic to bolster egotism, would have us believe that, if we turn our will and our life over to the care of God, we become nothing. The truth is -- the more we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power, the more independent we actually are. There¬fore, dependence, as A.A. practices it, is really a means of gaining true independence of the spirit.

Step Three asks us to make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him. This decision can only be made by us. All by ourselves, being convinced that self-will has ruined our lives, we need to develop the quality of willingness. By becoming willing, we now can make the decision to exert ourselves. Doing this is an act of our own will. Remember, all of the steps require sustained and personal exertions to conform to their principles and to God's will.

The effectiveness of the whole A.A. program will rest upon how well and earnestly we try to come to "a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him". The other steps of the A.A. program can be practiced with success only when Step Three is given a determined and persistent trial. Thus, we try to make our will conform to God's so that we can begin to use it rightly.


Once we are convinced that we have no choice but to turn our will and our lives over to God, then it is easy to begin the practice of Step Three. In times of confusion, we pause quietly and say:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done."

The purpose of writing the Third Step is to help us to "make a deci¬sion to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we under¬stand Him".

Go through the following examples and be as honest and specific as you are able to at this time. Give specific examples and situations from your own life.
YOU ARE IN THE PROCESS OF MAKING A DECISION.





STEP THREE -- COMING TO A DECISION

1. Are you aware that drinking and problems in your life are a result of
the acquired thinking mind?

2. In what way does Step Three call for action on your part?

3. Have you blocked God from your life? Give examples.

4. Explain your understanding of God at this point in the program.


5. What do you think your self-will is? List some ways it has caused
havoc and ruin in your life.

6. "Dependence on God is really a means of gaining true independence."
What does that mean to you?

7. What does the "Serenity Prayer" as found on p. 42 of the Twelve &
Twelve mean to you?

8. How did Steps One and Two prepare you for Step Three?

9. Do you feel that you are now truly willing to turn your will and life
over to the care of God as you understand Him? Explain.

10. What action are you going to take to live Step Three?

11. Now using the Prayer as found on p.63 of the Big Book, take this spir-
itual step with an understanding person.

MAKE THE DECISION DAILY !!!

WITH LOVE
The Top of The Hill Group

Shared with love,
Candy Smith, Oak Harbor, Washington June 4, 1980
Phyllis Brett, Coupeville, Washington June 21, 1987

STEP THREE

STEP THREE -- BRIEF GUIDE

"MADE A DECISION TO TURN OUR WILL AND OUR LIVES OVER TO THE CARE OF GOD
AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM."
(From Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions)

1. Practicing of Step Three is like the opening of a locked door. There is
only one key, and it is called willingness.

2. Step Three calls for affirmative action, for it is only by action that
we can cut away the self-will which has always blocked the entry of God
into our lives.

3. The effectiveness of the whole A.A. program will rest upon how well and
earnestly we have tried to come to "a decision to turn our will and our
lives over to the care of God as we understood Him".

4. The more we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power, the more
independent we actually are. Therefore dependence is really a means of
gaining true independence of the spirit.

5. So it is by circumstance rather than by any virtue that we have been
driven to A.A., have admitted defeat, have acquired the rudiments of
faith, and now want to make a decision to turn our will and our lives
over to a Higher Power. That one is God to me. No other.
6. Other steps of the A.A. program can be practiced with success only when
Step Three is given a determined and persistent trial.

7. All of the Twelve Steps require sustained and personal exertion to
conform to their principles and so, we trust to God's will.

8. It is when we try to make our will conform with God's that we begin to
use it rightly.

9. Our whole trouble has been the misuse of will power. We had tried to
bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into
agreement with God's intention for us.

10. In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause and
simply say:


"God GRANT me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.
Thy will,
not mine,
be done."
Amen

(From the Big Book)

1. The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on
self-will can hardly be a success.

2. Selfishness -- self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our
troubles. So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making.

3. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We
must, or it kills us! God makes this possible.

4. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or
trying with our own power. We had to have God's help. This is the how
and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't
work.

5. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going
to be our Director.

6. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoy piece of mind, as we discov-
ered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of his
presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the here-
after.

7. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him:

"God, I offer myself to Thee --
to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self,
that I may better do Thy will.
Take away my difficulties,
that victory over them
may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power,
Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life.
May I do Thy will always!"
8. We found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an under-
standing person.


RECOMMENDED READING:

1) Alcoholics Anonymous (big book), chapter 5 - p.60 (after ABCs) thru
p.63, 3rd paragraph.

2) Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions, Step Three.

I'll let you absorb this for a few days then I will post the working part of step three.

Step two summary

When I walked through the doors of alcoholics anonymous I had no idea what was going to happen to me. I believed in God and Jesus but I never had them "in my life". I just knew they were there. I had my doubts from time to time. When I had my stillborn in 1970 a priest turned his back on me when I asked for help. He was in the hospital room praying over a gal and her husband that just experienced a miscarriage. I was a single gal 21 years old so I must've been a harlot in his eyes. I asked him if he could pray with me and he said no and left. It made me feel so filthy and worthless. I continued on my drinking rampage for 17 more years.
When I surrendered to AA I was told I needed to "work the steps". It took me two years to get serious about the steps, but I finally got to it. It was easy until I got to step three. Giving my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood Him. Whew! Giving up my will? How the heck can I do that?

We will get to step three in a day or two.

A few people have emailed me asking about these steps so I do know you are reading them. This is a free gift, and quite valuable if you work them! Do yourself a favor!