Hi Mom, Happy Mother's Day!!
Just letting you know I love you.
How long has it been since we talked? January 30, 1993. That seems a lifetime ago, and yet it seems just like yesterday. I actually talk to you all the time, but I miss talking with you in person. I'm over the shock and anger of you leaving us at a much too early time for your death!! Of course I blamed your drinking and lifestyle for your death. I have forgiven you everything. I am actually very glad you are my mother, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you did for us!! I read Leslie's site and cried for her because her mom and her did not have a good relationship. I count my blessings for you!! You taught me (or tried to) how to be a lady, taught me to respect my elders. I inherited your compassion for old folks. Two of my best friends are Hannah, 88 years old, and Florence 87 years old!! You dressed me in frilly clothes as a young girl and I ended up ripping the waist out of most of my dresses. I was such a tom-boy!!
Life doesn't come with a guarantee or a manual, and you did the best you could for us. I miss you deeply. I gave you a bad time as a young gal and I apologize for that. I was going through a tough time and so were you. I was mad at you as a teen and became a rebel. I expected a mother like Mrs. Cleaver and was disappointed. You expected a perfect smart daughter, and got me!! Ok, we're even!! I understand now what you went through. I understand the horrible disease of alcoholism and see what it does to so many families. We were the lucky ones. You loved us kids, and we all know it.
In my adult years we became best friends and drinking buddies. I sobered up in June 1987 and you told me not to try to pull you into AA with me!! Oh how I prayed you would come to sobriety with me, but it just wasn't in the big plan. When you had your Mastectomy we were going to bring you home and nurse you until you died of the horrible cancer you had! But God decided to give you a bleeding ulcer instead and you almost died of it! You were in a coma for a few days then came out of it and started recovering. Then God decided that you needed to die that night instead of suffering another 6 months in agony.
I gave you this prayer the day before you died. You read it and cried. I told you I love you and forgive you. I am so happy we had that exchange!!
PRAYER OF FREEDOM
I free you from my anxiety, from my personal idea of what constitutes happiness for you. I trust the spirit of God in you, to guide you, to show you the way that is right for you, your highest good, the way that means happiness and success for you.
I place you lovingly in the hands of the Father. I stand by in faith, I refrain from imposing my will on you. You are God’s child. You are here to fulfill your own purpose. As close as I am to you, as much as I love you, I cannot live your life for you. Your destiny, your place, your fulfillment is between you and God.
I know that we are one in God and that as I trust God in my life and trust Him in your life ALL WILL BE WELL!
Amen
I got a call at 8:00 the next morning telling me my mom passed away.
Thank you mom for being who you you were and giving me life. I am very grateful for it all. I love you dearly and miss you!!
AMEN!!
